The White House announced today that several transactions are in the works that are similar to the signing of the deal to make the Emir of the United Arab Emirates protector of some important American ports.
In the first, a government-owned North Korean firm has been hired to supply guards for several American sites where nuclear weapons are both stored and manufactured. A White House spokesperson said he was happy to have them aboard because they have done such a good job protecting their own nuclear facilities.
In fact, he added, the United States is getting a bargain because the workers will receive minimum wages, tripling what they make in Korea. As an added payment the Atomic Energy Commission will be supplying an unlimited number of new movie releases to Kim Jong-il. This will replace his subscription to Netflix.
The White House also said it has hired security arm of The North American Man-Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) to patrol the nationwide centers run by the Child Protective Services Unit of the U.S. Department of Education. A spokesperson said that although the organization is not known for security, it does keep the kids in their sights at all times and would be more attentive than other such security groups.
In addition, a company owned by AUM Shinrikyō, last heard from when they used sarin gas during a terrorist act in a Tokyo subway has been hired to provide security for Metro, the Washington D.C. subway. White House sources say that they were assured by several Japanese businessmen that the group has reformed and is especially qualified for this job due to the fact that they know everything about the subject.
I can’t go on. I just can’t. I can’t make this up. My friend Art Levine sent me a piece he wrote which parodied the Texas sherrif’s report on the Cheney shooting. In his piece, Cheney is drunk and snarling. Art called me and asked what I thought. I told him that it didn’t go far enough. It was TOO BELIEVABLE!
I told him he would have to have Cheney having SEX with the quail.
How many times in the past 4 years have you heard the words, “you can’t make this stuff up,” when the Republicans do something outrageous.
I can’t either. And I just tried.
This also appears on huffingtonpost.com
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