The Bush administration is not the only bunch intercepting emails. My 14 year-old nephew is getting pretty good at it too. Here’s something he intercepted after the New York Times ran the story on how funny Justice Antonin Scalia is.
From:
To:
Subject: funny funny me
hey duck-huntin dickie! J dija see the times on saturday? they named me the funniest dude on the court. pretty fckn good huh? i cuddn’ta done it without the jokes you send me.
the thing that pisses me off is that they only used one of my lines in the times piece:
“…a light bulb in the courtroom’s ceiling exploded during an argument. …’it’s a trick they play on new chief justices all the time,’ chief justice john g. roberts jr. …said.
[laughter]
‘happy halloween,’ justice scalia retorted.
[laughter]”
the really good ones that u sent me didn’t get in, like remember when we were deciding the kansas dept. of revenue v. the potawatomi indians… that thing we settled on dec 5?
i mean the name of those guys is funny enough. fkcn clarence couldn’t hardly keep from busting out loud whenever the clerk called that case. i didn’t even know potawatomi was a real name. i thought it was from a bugs bunny cartoon.
i can’t fckn believe that nimrod from the times didn’t put my joke in. i was gettin bored with the whole thing that day, ya know. And I had a lot of christmas shopping to do and a half a bottle of anisette in my office to finish off. so i just interrupted the potawatomi’s lawyer and said “hey, ya know how get a one-armed indian out of a tree? ya wave to him!!”
lololololol
i thought Clarence was gonna shit his pants.
I’ll never forget when you told me that joke. I think we were duck hunting or something.
REPLY FROM CHENEY:
hey tone!!! hell, u almost dropped the gun and shot my ass off when you heard that one.
lmao
i got another one for ya when the assisted suicide case comes up this term. One of those wimp-assed girlie-man lawyers from oregon is gonna start tellin you about the process for getting those drugs to kill yourself. When he tells you that you have to have a second doctors’ opinion, you stop him and say, “clarence here had to get a second opinion one time. The doctor told him, ‘hey, yer ugly, too!!’
lolololololol
REPLY FROM SCALIA:
roflamao
where do ya come up with these things?
dickie, i dunno wut i’d do without ya.
REPLY FROM CHENEY:
who luvs ya tone? hey btw….i wanna run this by ya. I have a new squad ima send out to iraq, afghanistan and some of the other resorts i’ve set up. we need to toughen up our persuasion techniques. don’t matter what congress says, we know who’s in charge…you and me.
so this squad is gonna lock the bastards up in the dark, i paid fitty a lot of money to write and record his hardest rhymes and we’re gonna play them at ear-bleeding volume for a couple of days and then take the sob’s out, waterboard them, rip their fingernails off, break some bones, burn their hair off, tattoo my picture on their chest, rape their women, cut their fingers off, then their toes. And if they don’t talk by then we’re gonna kill em, chop em up, cook em up and feed em to the other prisoners and THEN tell them what they ate.
so i’m gonna need your help when the time comes. k, dude?
REPLY FROM SCALIA:
awesome. n/p dickie. what are you gonna call that squad?
REPLY FROM CHENEY:
THE ARISTOCRATS!!!!
ROFLMFAO
L8
This also appears on huffingtonpost.com
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