My middle name is "Vincent." On Monday morning I'm going to go to city hall and have it changed to "William" or "John" or something less ethnic.
See, I may run for office and I would hate to have my opponent say my middle name over and over and over. I mean, I've never been a member of an organized crime family (that I know of). Really.
Just think how bad for me it would be if voters got the impression I was just like Vincent "Chin" Gigante, or mistake me for him, even though he's dead.
(I wonder if Bill Cunningham would have used "Chin" to imply that the boss was a Chinese Communist?)
Suppose they thought I was like Vinnie "Big Pussy" Ponpensiero and wanted to dump my lifeless body in the Atlantic Ocean?
On the other hand, my middle name could get me votes. There are seven towns named Vincent (Alabama, Minnesota, Pennsylvania--East and West Vincent, Louisiana—Port Vincent, and Minnesota—St. Vincent.
I wouldn't want people to get the impression that I'm Catholic, either. Since the Catholic Church has been complicit in war, conquest, support of Benito Musselini, and pedophilia. There are seven Saints named Vincent. I don't have to name them, do I? You can name them just as easily as Presidents of the United States #20 thru #29, right?
No, siree, I'm dumping my middle name. Nobody will ever guess that I'm Italian just by looking at the rest of my name "Tom D'Antoni."
Forward this to Bill Cunningham in Cincinnati. I don't want him coming after me too. He looks deranged and dangerous.
Note to Mike D'Antoni, coach of the Phoenix Suns: listen buddy, I don't know what your middle name is, but you had better change it quick.
this also appears on huffingtonpost.com
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Latest LivePDX Music Blog
With The Dells' "Stay In My Corner" playing in my head....
The best moment of the Oscars evening came when the crowd at the Mission Theater booed and hissed each and every song from Enchanted as it was performed. The free admission, seeing the ceremonies on the big theater screen and the communal drinking/watching experience drew a nice crowd. There may have been differences of opinion on who should have won what, but nobody disagreed that the songs from Enchanted were about as bad as Hollywood ever gets.
FYI…That was Kristin Chenoweth who sang the dreadful "That's How You Know." Even worse was "So Close" sung by the instantly despised Jon McLaughlin. Look for that song to begin a run at "first dances" at dismal wedding receptions all over America.
Not that the drippy song from Once was much better, or the Gospel knock-off either.
How big has March Fourth Marching Band gotten? Big enough to stretch their Fifth Anniversary celebration to three days! It starts Sunday, March 2 with an all-ages show, continues the following night as they open for the wild Balkan Beat Box band and then winds up with a huge show on (yes) March 4th. All shows at the Crystal Ballroom.
They're still working on a new studio album. The wonderful live album that they brought out in time for their national fall tour captures them just fine. It was recorded all over…here, Austin and other points of the globe.
I wish I had gotten to ride on their new bus on that tour. I was on their old bus and it was…memorable, shall we say.
Bye-bye guitarist Dan Balmer. He's not leaving town for good, just for two months on the road with Diane Schur.
Four Portland-based blues musicians are nominated for what they used to call the W.C. Handy Awards, but since W.C.'s family decided they wanted a taste of the dough are now called the National Blues Music Awards. The nominees are: Insomniacs (Best New Artist Debut), Fiona Boyes (Contemporary Blues Female Artist of the Year), Mary Flower (Best Acoustic Artist) and Franck Goldwasser (aka Paris Slim).
All of them are appearing on Saturday, March 1 at Jimmy Mak's.
In my rant last week about the lack of full-time jazz clubs, I overlooked, as many do, the Tugboat downtown. You won't find a music schedule on their site, but it's worth the effort to find the place right off Broadway downtown (across the alley from what used to be the Church of Elvis). Sometimes you can just walk in and find Glen Moore playing solo. Saxophonist David Valdez plays there sometimes. It has the feel of a beatnik joint. I've actually overheard intellectual conversations going on. Not that I was a part of one.
Artist-Musician Ron Rogers will be at Cannibals art gallery (518 NW 21st Ave) on Thursday night, Feb 28, as part of their one year anniversary.
He tells me "I will be showing my coffins and paintings along with my friends Kitty O'Keefe and Brian Belfast. Kitty does VouDon Art (that's VooDoo for you non-HooDoos). This includes masks, walking sticks and great VooDoo Dolls made from all kinds of materials. Brian does wonderful photography, photographs taken through liquids, very different and striking."
I have one of Ron's "coffins" (James Booker) hanging in my living room.
Then Saturday and Sunday, March 1& 2, Ron will be participating in the SE Area Art Walk. At 1:00pm he'll be reading excerpts from his 1979 "underground classic" (he says) The Story of Sand and "my as yet unpublished autobiography Cranium Drip: The Real Story of Ron Rogers and His Struggle For Artistic Freedom in Today's Mundane, Bar-Ditch World." He promises "Strip Karaoke" on Sunday morning.
I'm extending my KMHD radio show till 2:00am every Saturday night starting this weekend.
The best moment of the Oscars evening came when the crowd at the Mission Theater booed and hissed each and every song from Enchanted as it was performed. The free admission, seeing the ceremonies on the big theater screen and the communal drinking/watching experience drew a nice crowd. There may have been differences of opinion on who should have won what, but nobody disagreed that the songs from Enchanted were about as bad as Hollywood ever gets.
FYI…That was Kristin Chenoweth who sang the dreadful "That's How You Know." Even worse was "So Close" sung by the instantly despised Jon McLaughlin. Look for that song to begin a run at "first dances" at dismal wedding receptions all over America.
Not that the drippy song from Once was much better, or the Gospel knock-off either.
How big has March Fourth Marching Band gotten? Big enough to stretch their Fifth Anniversary celebration to three days! It starts Sunday, March 2 with an all-ages show, continues the following night as they open for the wild Balkan Beat Box band and then winds up with a huge show on (yes) March 4th. All shows at the Crystal Ballroom.
They're still working on a new studio album. The wonderful live album that they brought out in time for their national fall tour captures them just fine. It was recorded all over…here, Austin and other points of the globe.
I wish I had gotten to ride on their new bus on that tour. I was on their old bus and it was…memorable, shall we say.
Bye-bye guitarist Dan Balmer. He's not leaving town for good, just for two months on the road with Diane Schur.
Four Portland-based blues musicians are nominated for what they used to call the W.C. Handy Awards, but since W.C.'s family decided they wanted a taste of the dough are now called the National Blues Music Awards. The nominees are: Insomniacs (Best New Artist Debut), Fiona Boyes (Contemporary Blues Female Artist of the Year), Mary Flower (Best Acoustic Artist) and Franck Goldwasser (aka Paris Slim).
All of them are appearing on Saturday, March 1 at Jimmy Mak's.
In my rant last week about the lack of full-time jazz clubs, I overlooked, as many do, the Tugboat downtown. You won't find a music schedule on their site, but it's worth the effort to find the place right off Broadway downtown (across the alley from what used to be the Church of Elvis). Sometimes you can just walk in and find Glen Moore playing solo. Saxophonist David Valdez plays there sometimes. It has the feel of a beatnik joint. I've actually overheard intellectual conversations going on. Not that I was a part of one.
Artist-Musician Ron Rogers will be at Cannibals art gallery (518 NW 21st Ave) on Thursday night, Feb 28, as part of their one year anniversary.
He tells me "I will be showing my coffins and paintings along with my friends Kitty O'Keefe and Brian Belfast. Kitty does VouDon Art (that's VooDoo for you non-HooDoos). This includes masks, walking sticks and great VooDoo Dolls made from all kinds of materials. Brian does wonderful photography, photographs taken through liquids, very different and striking."
I have one of Ron's "coffins" (James Booker) hanging in my living room.
Then Saturday and Sunday, March 1& 2, Ron will be participating in the SE Area Art Walk. At 1:00pm he'll be reading excerpts from his 1979 "underground classic" (he says) The Story of Sand and "my as yet unpublished autobiography Cranium Drip: The Real Story of Ron Rogers and His Struggle For Artistic Freedom in Today's Mundane, Bar-Ditch World." He promises "Strip Karaoke" on Sunday morning.
I'm extending my KMHD radio show till 2:00am every Saturday night starting this weekend.
Obama Symbolizes America
Obama, the transcendent symbol, is more important than Obama the progressive politician.
Obama may look black, may self-identify black because of his features, but he is truly an African-American. Anyone, including other blacks, who call him black, well they're just missing the point. He is a mixed-race American. He loves his white family. He loves his black family. It shows.
White folks sense this. Black folks take comfort in this, no matter how they might appear on the surface.
His demeanor is mixed. His vocabulary is mixed. He is a part of us, one of us all, and therefore the perfect person to unite those of us who long for a just and equal society.
The haters are out with their knives. We will beat them back this time. They must not be allowed to steal America from us again. This time there are too many of us.
Hillary Clinton must get out of the way of the march of history.
I don't expect Obama to solve all the problems. I expect him to fail at trying to solve many, even most of them. The forces arrayed against justice and good are mighty. What he will do is to set a new agenda, create a new climate in ways we can't even imagine…and he may not be able to at this point either.
Let's not forget that he is both a lawyer and a politician, that's two strikes against him in my book. But I look around at some of the politicians from here in Oregon and I think, well…things are possible.
Things have been impossible under the Republicans.
I'll feel much better when the "bad Hillary" is beating up on Republicans in a few weeks.
I'm not young and I'm not idealistic, but I know hope when I see it.
this also appears on huffingtonpost.com
Obama may look black, may self-identify black because of his features, but he is truly an African-American. Anyone, including other blacks, who call him black, well they're just missing the point. He is a mixed-race American. He loves his white family. He loves his black family. It shows.
White folks sense this. Black folks take comfort in this, no matter how they might appear on the surface.
His demeanor is mixed. His vocabulary is mixed. He is a part of us, one of us all, and therefore the perfect person to unite those of us who long for a just and equal society.
The haters are out with their knives. We will beat them back this time. They must not be allowed to steal America from us again. This time there are too many of us.
Hillary Clinton must get out of the way of the march of history.
I don't expect Obama to solve all the problems. I expect him to fail at trying to solve many, even most of them. The forces arrayed against justice and good are mighty. What he will do is to set a new agenda, create a new climate in ways we can't even imagine…and he may not be able to at this point either.
Let's not forget that he is both a lawyer and a politician, that's two strikes against him in my book. But I look around at some of the politicians from here in Oregon and I think, well…things are possible.
Things have been impossible under the Republicans.
I'll feel much better when the "bad Hillary" is beating up on Republicans in a few weeks.
I'm not young and I'm not idealistic, but I know hope when I see it.
this also appears on huffingtonpost.com
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Two More on Clinton by Nick Tosches
BARACK OBAMA - 3
by Nick Tosches
It's like the old song: "Three times a fool, but I ain't gonna be no more."
Do you realize that, as a former Democratic president, Bill Clinton qualifies as a "superdelegate" in the underhanded Democratic nominating process?
Do you realize that, as a former president and the spouse of a former president, Bill and Hillary Clinton are entitled to Secret Service protection wherever they go, and that we, as tax-payers, are picking up the tab for Secret Service agent-gofers to accompany both Bill and Hillary Clinton on their campaign?
Have you paused to wonder why Hillary Clinton, who is estimated to have a personal net worth in excess of $34-million, refuses to make public her tax returns, as Barack Obama did last year?
Do you think Jimmy Hoffa would have taken her seriously as a champion of blue-collar workers, as she pretends to be?
Have you paused to realize that, as nothing more than the continuation of the political establishment of this country's government, she could ruin it for any good and worthy woman candidate for the presidency in the future?
Have we forgotten, regardless of all her talk about health care, that when she was the head of the Task Force on National Health Care Reform in 1993-94, she folded to the insurance and pharmaceutical lobbies, from whom she continues to accept money?
Are you aware that the United States ranks 42nd in education, well below countries such as India, the Czech Republic, Tunisia, Taiwan, Malaysia, Lithuania, Indonesia, Croatia, Qatar, (get this one) Slovenia, and thirty other countries? How can we consider entrusting a stupid, semi-literate, overgrown spoiled brat with improving this deplorable and dangerous state of education?
She is so out of touch with young people that she believes her daughter, Chelsea, will appeal to them where she herself has failed. Don't allow yourself, regardless of age, color, or sex, to be conned, suckered, swindled, used, or in any way fooled by Hillary Clinton's conniving and dishonest masquerade.
She's the worst of a bad lot, and her daughter should go out and get a job: a real one. Right now, she pulls down six figures "working" in an "undisclosed capacity" for a hedge fund whose founder is a contributor to mommy's campaign.
BARACK OBAMA - 4
by Nick Tosches
I want to thank the Teamsters who were moved to response to the question I posed in my previous posting: "Do you think Jimmy Hoffa would have taken her [Hillary Clinton] seriously as a champion of blue-collar workers, as she pretends to be?"
I am happy to hear that the Teamsters today have announced their official endorsement of Obama.
I am also happy to hear of those in Ironworkers Local 40, New York, who have seen through Clinton and decided to go with Obama.
I hope that the people of Ohio and Texas do not fall for Hillary Rodham Clinton's embarrassing and fraudulent displays of disingenuous nonsense.
When she arrogantly felt that a state's votes would be hers, or that a state's votes were inconsequential to her, she sent her privileged daughter or her bulb-nosed buffoon husband to represent her to the public. That's how much she "cares" about you. Why not send the family dog? And as soon as the Ohio and Texas primaries are over, she will care the same about those states as well.
She truly cares only for herself and winning at any cost the glory of a presidency to which she feels entitled. The more desperate she gets, the more obvious this becomes. It is good to know that America, with a renewed sense of hope and strength, is proving too smart for her act. This is a return to bedrock democracy, nothing less than a dawning victory of us over them.
__________
P.S.: I should also thank John McCain for publicly proclaiming his own "humility" while that spooky wife of his stood there by him vacantly nodding her vacant head. I never thought dead people could be so stupid or so dangerous until I became aware of John McCain.
from his MySpace blog, used by permission
by Nick Tosches
It's like the old song: "Three times a fool, but I ain't gonna be no more."
Do you realize that, as a former Democratic president, Bill Clinton qualifies as a "superdelegate" in the underhanded Democratic nominating process?
Do you realize that, as a former president and the spouse of a former president, Bill and Hillary Clinton are entitled to Secret Service protection wherever they go, and that we, as tax-payers, are picking up the tab for Secret Service agent-gofers to accompany both Bill and Hillary Clinton on their campaign?
Have you paused to wonder why Hillary Clinton, who is estimated to have a personal net worth in excess of $34-million, refuses to make public her tax returns, as Barack Obama did last year?
Do you think Jimmy Hoffa would have taken her seriously as a champion of blue-collar workers, as she pretends to be?
Have you paused to realize that, as nothing more than the continuation of the political establishment of this country's government, she could ruin it for any good and worthy woman candidate for the presidency in the future?
Have we forgotten, regardless of all her talk about health care, that when she was the head of the Task Force on National Health Care Reform in 1993-94, she folded to the insurance and pharmaceutical lobbies, from whom she continues to accept money?
Are you aware that the United States ranks 42nd in education, well below countries such as India, the Czech Republic, Tunisia, Taiwan, Malaysia, Lithuania, Indonesia, Croatia, Qatar, (get this one) Slovenia, and thirty other countries? How can we consider entrusting a stupid, semi-literate, overgrown spoiled brat with improving this deplorable and dangerous state of education?
She is so out of touch with young people that she believes her daughter, Chelsea, will appeal to them where she herself has failed. Don't allow yourself, regardless of age, color, or sex, to be conned, suckered, swindled, used, or in any way fooled by Hillary Clinton's conniving and dishonest masquerade.
She's the worst of a bad lot, and her daughter should go out and get a job: a real one. Right now, she pulls down six figures "working" in an "undisclosed capacity" for a hedge fund whose founder is a contributor to mommy's campaign.
BARACK OBAMA - 4
by Nick Tosches
I want to thank the Teamsters who were moved to response to the question I posed in my previous posting: "Do you think Jimmy Hoffa would have taken her [Hillary Clinton] seriously as a champion of blue-collar workers, as she pretends to be?"
I am happy to hear that the Teamsters today have announced their official endorsement of Obama.
I am also happy to hear of those in Ironworkers Local 40, New York, who have seen through Clinton and decided to go with Obama.
I hope that the people of Ohio and Texas do not fall for Hillary Rodham Clinton's embarrassing and fraudulent displays of disingenuous nonsense.
When she arrogantly felt that a state's votes would be hers, or that a state's votes were inconsequential to her, she sent her privileged daughter or her bulb-nosed buffoon husband to represent her to the public. That's how much she "cares" about you. Why not send the family dog? And as soon as the Ohio and Texas primaries are over, she will care the same about those states as well.
She truly cares only for herself and winning at any cost the glory of a presidency to which she feels entitled. The more desperate she gets, the more obvious this becomes. It is good to know that America, with a renewed sense of hope and strength, is proving too smart for her act. This is a return to bedrock democracy, nothing less than a dawning victory of us over them.
__________
P.S.: I should also thank John McCain for publicly proclaiming his own "humility" while that spooky wife of his stood there by him vacantly nodding her vacant head. I never thought dead people could be so stupid or so dangerous until I became aware of John McCain.
from his MySpace blog, used by permission
President Obama, Vice President Webb, Sen Majority Leader Clinton
All things point to Barack Obama winning the Democratic nomination for President after March 4. Should that happen, the Democrats should do the following:
1. Clinton should concede and allow Obama a clear shot at McCain from then on.
2. Obama should make Sen. James Webb of Virginia his VP, thus taking the military aspect out of the campaign. McCain may have served in Vietnam, but Webb has sons IN IRAQ.
3. The Democrats should make sure that Clinton is elected Majority Leader of the Senate replacing the ineffective Harry Reid.
Imagine what America would be like with Obama as President, Webb as VP, Hillary Clinton as Senate Majority Leader and the subsequent cabinet.
Will all of our problems end? Of course not. Will we have a shot at making America be what it should be? Yes, a shot.
The haters, the polluters, the war mongers and thieves can't be eliminated, but they can be limited.
Just over the hill, there may be sunshine. Not heaven, but enough light to allow us to see our better selves.
appears on www.huffingtonpost.com
1. Clinton should concede and allow Obama a clear shot at McCain from then on.
2. Obama should make Sen. James Webb of Virginia his VP, thus taking the military aspect out of the campaign. McCain may have served in Vietnam, but Webb has sons IN IRAQ.
3. The Democrats should make sure that Clinton is elected Majority Leader of the Senate replacing the ineffective Harry Reid.
Imagine what America would be like with Obama as President, Webb as VP, Hillary Clinton as Senate Majority Leader and the subsequent cabinet.
Will all of our problems end? Of course not. Will we have a shot at making America be what it should be? Yes, a shot.
The haters, the polluters, the war mongers and thieves can't be eliminated, but they can be limited.
Just over the hill, there may be sunshine. Not heaven, but enough light to allow us to see our better selves.
appears on www.huffingtonpost.com
Latest LivePDX music blog 2/20
News & Gossip: Jax Junks Jazz as Someday Lounge Adds Jazz Happy Hour
Another jazz club expired, or will in a few weeks. Jax Bar in downtown Portland had a couple of years of music, although it never really felt like a jazz club and had the worst, most out-of-tune piano in town.
It was the home to Mitzi Zilka's weekly Jazz Singer's Showcase, and it's a shame that's going to have to go monthly now. At least she has found a new home for it at Tony Starlight's Supper Club every first Wednesday of the month, starting in March.
Mitzi will feature her own self, Brian Dorsey and Nancy Curtin on Friday, February 22 at the Riverplace Hotel for a special Jazz Singers Revue.
With Blue Monk, LV's and now Jax going down, we're down to one real jazz club, Jimmy Mak's, and if you've noticed they're booking more and more R&B and Soul on the weekends. There has to be somebody in this town besides Jimmy Makarounis with smarts enough to run a jazz club…maybe a combo jazz and blues and soul club. Use it or lose it.
The final show at Jax will feature Pere Soto, the great Spanish guitarist who is in town for a series of performances with saxophonist David Valdez. Soto will be doing a special Lawrence Williams Project gig on March 15, and then that's that for Jax.
Those of you who want to think and drink at the same time will be happy to know that Dusty York's trio is playing every Friday night from 5:00 to 7:00pm at Someday Lounge.... the club's new Jazz Happy Hour.
Somebody I know (not me) went to both Someday and then to Wilf's last Friday and found Dusty's dad Michael playing there. Told me he/she/it/them likes Dusty a lot better. Now, now...
Diatic Records, the label Dusty runs, has just released a wonderful new album by Don Cherry's son David Ornette Cherry, Organic Roots.
Organist Louis Pain reports that the Tribute To Memphis Soul show at Jimmy Mak's was a big success, sold out even. So successful that they're thinking of separate admissions for the two sets next time. It sold out in advance and people had to be turned away.
Re: Portland Jazz Festival: Much negative grumbling about the ticket prices and other things I'm not going to go into here.
The Valentine's Day Vagabond Opera and Portland Cello Project show at the Wonder Ballroom was spectacular, although I did hear a couple of "Eww's" expressed by germ-frightened women when they saw the kissing booth. The evening would have had a better ending if I had not done a face-plant onto a sidewalk at the end of the night. I'm still spending a lot of time applying bandages and wincing.
Another jazz club expired, or will in a few weeks. Jax Bar in downtown Portland had a couple of years of music, although it never really felt like a jazz club and had the worst, most out-of-tune piano in town.
It was the home to Mitzi Zilka's weekly Jazz Singer's Showcase, and it's a shame that's going to have to go monthly now. At least she has found a new home for it at Tony Starlight's Supper Club every first Wednesday of the month, starting in March.
Mitzi will feature her own self, Brian Dorsey and Nancy Curtin on Friday, February 22 at the Riverplace Hotel for a special Jazz Singers Revue.
With Blue Monk, LV's and now Jax going down, we're down to one real jazz club, Jimmy Mak's, and if you've noticed they're booking more and more R&B and Soul on the weekends. There has to be somebody in this town besides Jimmy Makarounis with smarts enough to run a jazz club…maybe a combo jazz and blues and soul club. Use it or lose it.
The final show at Jax will feature Pere Soto, the great Spanish guitarist who is in town for a series of performances with saxophonist David Valdez. Soto will be doing a special Lawrence Williams Project gig on March 15, and then that's that for Jax.
Those of you who want to think and drink at the same time will be happy to know that Dusty York's trio is playing every Friday night from 5:00 to 7:00pm at Someday Lounge.... the club's new Jazz Happy Hour.
Somebody I know (not me) went to both Someday and then to Wilf's last Friday and found Dusty's dad Michael playing there. Told me he/she/it/them likes Dusty a lot better. Now, now...
Diatic Records, the label Dusty runs, has just released a wonderful new album by Don Cherry's son David Ornette Cherry, Organic Roots.
Organist Louis Pain reports that the Tribute To Memphis Soul show at Jimmy Mak's was a big success, sold out even. So successful that they're thinking of separate admissions for the two sets next time. It sold out in advance and people had to be turned away.
Re: Portland Jazz Festival: Much negative grumbling about the ticket prices and other things I'm not going to go into here.
The Valentine's Day Vagabond Opera and Portland Cello Project show at the Wonder Ballroom was spectacular, although I did hear a couple of "Eww's" expressed by germ-frightened women when they saw the kissing booth. The evening would have had a better ending if I had not done a face-plant onto a sidewalk at the end of the night. I'm still spending a lot of time applying bandages and wincing.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Dave Van Ronk's Rules of Blues
From the Dave Van Ronk MySpace page.
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and company motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. Highway
b. Jailhouse
c. An empty bed
d. Bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. Gallery openings
c. Ivy league institutions
d. Golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
13. You have the right to sing the Blues if:
a. You older than dirt
b. You blind
c. You shot a man in Memphis
d. You can't be satisfied
14. You don't have the right to sing the Blues if:
a. You have all your teeth
b. You were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. You have a pension fund
15. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
16. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues
17. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. Cheap wine
b. Whiskey or bourbon
c. Muddy water
d. Nasty black coffee
18. The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
19. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broke-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
20. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
21. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
22. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
23. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
24. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues.
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and company motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. Highway
b. Jailhouse
c. An empty bed
d. Bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. Gallery openings
c. Ivy league institutions
d. Golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
13. You have the right to sing the Blues if:
a. You older than dirt
b. You blind
c. You shot a man in Memphis
d. You can't be satisfied
14. You don't have the right to sing the Blues if:
a. You have all your teeth
b. You were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. You have a pension fund
15. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
16. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues
17. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. Cheap wine
b. Whiskey or bourbon
c. Muddy water
d. Nasty black coffee
18. The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
19. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broke-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
20. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
21. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
22. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
23. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
24. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues.
Friday, February 15, 2008
LivePDX Music Blog for February 12
By Tom D'Antoni
Rabid fans of Singer/songwriter/pianist Scott Fisher, or of my fabulous work, will remember the story I wrote for livepdxon him a couple of months ago. He was working on some bossa nova tunes for the movie soundtrack of The Last Word" starring Winona Ryder, Wes Bentley and Ray Romano. Well, it premiered at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival, as advertised.
It was named to IFC'sTEXT top ten films list but didn't do quite as well as they had hoped. Scott was there and reports that he, "…felt like a little fish in a big pond– but it was great to be associated with a Sundance movie because you get different kind of credentials. It was a very cool experience.”
During one screening he sat in the same row with Sharon Stone. No, I don't know a thing about her sitting position. He said the movie had a “Heavy cast with crazy star power (Tom Arnold, Jimmy Fallon, Sharon Stone)…but the movie sucked. That is the danger of huge star power, you get huge expectations that aren’t met.”
He was outfitted by Portlanders "ElizaBeth Rohloff, a Portland fashion designer who created a Beatle-esque felted wool hat and shirts for him. Michael Allen’s Clothier added winter clothes for a “Portland-Goes-To-Sundance” fashion shoot by photographer Kent Derek.TEXT
Btw…Writer Tari Donohue reports that, "Chuck Palahniuk was the Portland star in this year’s Sundance universe, with the film Choke, based on one of his books, being the first sale of this year’s festival, at a cool $5 million."
Expect interesting things from a collaboration just getting started as we speak. Electronics guy Keith Schreiner Auditory Sculpture (Auditory Sculpture) has just begun working with singer/songwriter Stephanie Schneiderman.
Beats on the Park Blocks: Percussionist/producer Karriem RigginsKarriem Riggins (Kanye West, Erykah Badu, Ray Brown, Diana Dral, Talib Kweli will be at Portland State University for a drum clinic on Tuesday, February 19th.
Groove-soulsters Intervisionjust singned with In the Pocket Artists who will book them nationally. Gabe Johnson, the agency owner saw them open for the Nevilles and that was that. Could be a big summer for them.
Remember summer? That's when the sun comes out.
New Orleans griot Brother Askari, who told the story of High John the Conqueror on my radio show a couple of weeks ago is appearing at the Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center on Saturday, February 16. Very interesting cat. Adrienne Flagg has really put that place on the map since she started booking it. A good move by Arts Commish Sam Adams to make that happen, too.
Btw…I played some awesome drum solos by Baby Dodds behind Brother Askari. Fit better than I ever imagined.
After their gig at the Hippodrome on Saturday, February 16, 3 Leg Torso is off to California for nine gigs. Accordionist Courtney Von Drehle tells me, "I'm really looking forward to playing the Getty Museum. The museum is a refreshing breath of fresh air in such a dense area, The grounds, the architecture, it's all put together with a serene aesthetic. And I hear our show is already sold out (as far as free shows that you have to reserve seats for can be 'sold out')."
I'm doing a live mashup on my radio show Saturday night…probably around 11:30pm.
Who shot the La La? I don't know. I think it was a 44.
Tom D'Antoni is a Portland writer and TV Producer/Reporter. Listen to his show on Saturday nights 10pm to 1am on KMHD 89.1fm and streaming on th web.
Rabid fans of Singer/songwriter/pianist Scott Fisher, or of my fabulous work, will remember the story I wrote for livepdxon him a couple of months ago. He was working on some bossa nova tunes for the movie soundtrack of The Last Word" starring Winona Ryder, Wes Bentley and Ray Romano. Well, it premiered at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival, as advertised.
It was named to IFC'sTEXT top ten films list but didn't do quite as well as they had hoped. Scott was there and reports that he, "…felt like a little fish in a big pond– but it was great to be associated with a Sundance movie because you get different kind of credentials. It was a very cool experience.”
During one screening he sat in the same row with Sharon Stone. No, I don't know a thing about her sitting position. He said the movie had a “Heavy cast with crazy star power (Tom Arnold, Jimmy Fallon, Sharon Stone)…but the movie sucked. That is the danger of huge star power, you get huge expectations that aren’t met.”
He was outfitted by Portlanders "ElizaBeth Rohloff, a Portland fashion designer who created a Beatle-esque felted wool hat and shirts for him. Michael Allen’s Clothier added winter clothes for a “Portland-Goes-To-Sundance” fashion shoot by photographer Kent Derek.TEXT
Btw…Writer Tari Donohue reports that, "Chuck Palahniuk was the Portland star in this year’s Sundance universe, with the film Choke, based on one of his books, being the first sale of this year’s festival, at a cool $5 million."
Expect interesting things from a collaboration just getting started as we speak. Electronics guy Keith Schreiner Auditory Sculpture (Auditory Sculpture) has just begun working with singer/songwriter Stephanie Schneiderman.
Beats on the Park Blocks: Percussionist/producer Karriem RigginsKarriem Riggins (Kanye West, Erykah Badu, Ray Brown, Diana Dral, Talib Kweli will be at Portland State University for a drum clinic on Tuesday, February 19th.
Groove-soulsters Intervisionjust singned with In the Pocket Artists who will book them nationally. Gabe Johnson, the agency owner saw them open for the Nevilles and that was that. Could be a big summer for them.
Remember summer? That's when the sun comes out.
New Orleans griot Brother Askari, who told the story of High John the Conqueror on my radio show a couple of weeks ago is appearing at the Interstate Firehouse Cultural Center on Saturday, February 16. Very interesting cat. Adrienne Flagg has really put that place on the map since she started booking it. A good move by Arts Commish Sam Adams to make that happen, too.
Btw…I played some awesome drum solos by Baby Dodds behind Brother Askari. Fit better than I ever imagined.
After their gig at the Hippodrome on Saturday, February 16, 3 Leg Torso is off to California for nine gigs. Accordionist Courtney Von Drehle tells me, "I'm really looking forward to playing the Getty Museum. The museum is a refreshing breath of fresh air in such a dense area, The grounds, the architecture, it's all put together with a serene aesthetic. And I hear our show is already sold out (as far as free shows that you have to reserve seats for can be 'sold out')."
I'm doing a live mashup on my radio show Saturday night…probably around 11:30pm.
Who shot the La La? I don't know. I think it was a 44.
Tom D'Antoni is a Portland writer and TV Producer/Reporter. Listen to his show on Saturday nights 10pm to 1am on KMHD 89.1fm and streaming on th web.
Nick Tosches on Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton
From his blog on his MySpace page:
BARACK OBAMA - 2
by
Nick Tosches
"I will work my heart out for you every single day!" These are the incredible words of Hillary Clinton, who arranges for a cute little Mexican boy in a sombrero to bring her flowers onstage in Texas. What a pitiful and despicable show.
If you ever see a Latino near her multimillion-dollar house in Chappaqua, New York, he'll likely be on his knees in the dirt with a gardening trowel.
You are to her a vote, nothing more. It is not you who matters to her. It is your gullibility that matters to her. Her goal is not to serve you. Her goal is to con you and use you to become president, and that is all. You are to her expendable, a mere means to an end that does not involve you or your concerns or your welfare.
It is becoming apparent that, as they become increasingly exposed to her, working-men, women, and Latinos are growing less receptive to her condescending and fatuous lies. No one with any self-respect or desire to get a better shake in this life should fall for her jive.
I hope that voters in Ohio, Texas, and Wisconsin prove themselves to be worldlier and wiser than the yokels who embraced her here in New York. A friend of mine in Texas tells me flat-our: "Barack will take Texas. Just watch." I hope he is right, and I hope the same goes for Ohio and Wisconsin as well.
Barack Obama is the only serious presidential contender in my lifetime who was not born rich, who worked and had it rough, who believes in the value of education, and who knows what life and people are like beneath the closed realm of the stupid, ruinous ruling class, of which the Clintons, like the Bush family, are a part.
All politicians are whores. What we need, for a long-overdue change, is a whore that doesn't rob us into the bargain.
A telling story has been brought to my attention. It comes from Trust Me, a book about Charles Keating and the Savings and Loan scandal of the 1980s. John McCain was involved with Keating, accepted money and favors from him, then testified against him. Keating called him "a wimp." This says more about McCain than all the self-serving tales of his heroism as a prisoner of war that he so endlessly and shamelessly peddles. His heroism, like Hillary Clinton's concern for you, is a vapid pretense. McCain goes so far as to express admiration for George Bush, who has put this country into an open grave and pissed on it. We know where McCain stands. But be assured that Hillary Clinton would also piss on us just as George Bush did. The only difference would be that her squatting fat ass and her shrewish cackle would be closer to our faces as she did so.
BARACK OBAMA - 2
by
Nick Tosches
"I will work my heart out for you every single day!" These are the incredible words of Hillary Clinton, who arranges for a cute little Mexican boy in a sombrero to bring her flowers onstage in Texas. What a pitiful and despicable show.
If you ever see a Latino near her multimillion-dollar house in Chappaqua, New York, he'll likely be on his knees in the dirt with a gardening trowel.
You are to her a vote, nothing more. It is not you who matters to her. It is your gullibility that matters to her. Her goal is not to serve you. Her goal is to con you and use you to become president, and that is all. You are to her expendable, a mere means to an end that does not involve you or your concerns or your welfare.
It is becoming apparent that, as they become increasingly exposed to her, working-men, women, and Latinos are growing less receptive to her condescending and fatuous lies. No one with any self-respect or desire to get a better shake in this life should fall for her jive.
I hope that voters in Ohio, Texas, and Wisconsin prove themselves to be worldlier and wiser than the yokels who embraced her here in New York. A friend of mine in Texas tells me flat-our: "Barack will take Texas. Just watch." I hope he is right, and I hope the same goes for Ohio and Wisconsin as well.
Barack Obama is the only serious presidential contender in my lifetime who was not born rich, who worked and had it rough, who believes in the value of education, and who knows what life and people are like beneath the closed realm of the stupid, ruinous ruling class, of which the Clintons, like the Bush family, are a part.
All politicians are whores. What we need, for a long-overdue change, is a whore that doesn't rob us into the bargain.
A telling story has been brought to my attention. It comes from Trust Me, a book about Charles Keating and the Savings and Loan scandal of the 1980s. John McCain was involved with Keating, accepted money and favors from him, then testified against him. Keating called him "a wimp." This says more about McCain than all the self-serving tales of his heroism as a prisoner of war that he so endlessly and shamelessly peddles. His heroism, like Hillary Clinton's concern for you, is a vapid pretense. McCain goes so far as to express admiration for George Bush, who has put this country into an open grave and pissed on it. We know where McCain stands. But be assured that Hillary Clinton would also piss on us just as George Bush did. The only difference would be that her squatting fat ass and her shrewish cackle would be closer to our faces as she did so.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
My Latest livepdx.com Music Blog
While pondering the phrases, "Mighty kootie fiyo on a Mardi Gras day" and "two-way pockeyway"....
The Underwood sisters, Belinda and Melissa, aka Beliss (pictured), have returned from Egypt and report, "We survived the desert rains of Egypt (the most they've had in probably thousands of years)." They have gigs this week: Thursday, Feb 7 at The TeaZone and Camellia Lounge and Friday, Feb 8 at Albina Green.
Bass player/writer and all around smart guy (and my competition at the O) Don Campbell is finally back on the job after a hip replacement. He reports, "The hip is doing great. Been walking 3 - 4 miles a night."
Re: Margaret Slovak …after I had filed this blog for last week. She has a solo tune on the new Thara Memory album Chronicles. Originally she recorded a bunch of solo tunes that he wanted to use as bridges between songs on the album. Years went by. Not long before it came out, he called to get the "mechanicals" (information for copywriting music) on a tune she had never written. He had edited together some of her playing and called it "Margaret's Tune." She thought it was funny that she went to the CD release gig never having heard the tune she wrote. She's happy with it. Laughs about it. That Thara!
It won't be out till spring, but on Rachel Taylor-Brown's new CD Half Hours with the Lower Creatures, she has put it all together…her classical training and performing experience (Cappella Romana), her poetic talents and commercial possibilities. She writes, sings, plays piano and eleven other instruments. It was co-produced and recorded by Jeff Stuart Saltzman (Stephen Malkmus, Sleater-Kinney, Menomena). Remember you heard it here first. At last, she may be the next big thing to come out of Portland. Couldn't happen to a nicer girl, too.
Portland Jazz Festival cancellation: Pianist Fred Hersch has "health-related issues" and won't be performing on February 22 with Nancy King. "Health-related," like "flu-like," is an unfortunate early 21st Century phrase for, "he's ill."
Grammy-nominated singer Kurt Elling and Nancy's longtime collaborator Steve Christofferson will fill in, having just come from performing at Lincoln Center in NYC.
I went with guitarist Terry Robb to the first night of Slim Gaillard's Civilization at the NW Film Center's Reel Film Festival. The festival is over now, but it was awesome. We sat there with our mouths open as two of the four hours of that very strange BBC series on his life proved to me why NWFC's Bill Foster said it was his favorite thing in the festival. Very oddly paced. Included long stretches that didn't seem to have much to do with Slim, but really did. One of those pieces you just have to accept on its own terms.
Anyway, Terry told me he's going to be recording a new Linda Hornbuckle/Janice Scroggins album for his new label PsycheDelta. Now that's exciting.
Re: Portland Music Awards. I am happy to report that I was personally excluded from the media guest list by Craig Marquardo, himself. Now that's a guy I like being on the wrong side of.
There's a big tango festival next Wednesday thru Monday, Feb 13 - 18, called ValenTango XI. They had over 600 people attend last year and invite you to, "Spend an intense/passionate/romantic four days together in 'tango friendly' Portland with friends and your favorite instructors, DJ's, musicians and tango partners learning, dancing, schmoozing, eating, and hanging out at the unique Portland ballrooms, coffee shops, cafes, and restaurants."
For the event, Portland's tango titan Alex Krebs is putting together "Orquesta Tipica" made up of musicians from all over the world.
Saxophonist Reggie Houston and his pal Jim Adair are putting together a production company. Stay tuned for more info.
Tap dancer/saxophonist Shoehorn is debuting his new band "Shoehorn's Hatband," with Skip Elliott Bowman on bass, Dan Gaynor on piano and Ward Griffiths on drums. They will perform material from their upcoming CD, including Shoehorn’s originals plus "overlooked gems from the American and International songbooks." Now that is one solid band. See them on Friday, Feb 8 at LaurelThirst Public House.
And with that, I'm putting on some beads and heading over to Acadia to eat and make silly for Mawdi Graw.
also seen at livpdx.com
The Underwood sisters, Belinda and Melissa, aka Beliss (pictured), have returned from Egypt and report, "We survived the desert rains of Egypt (the most they've had in probably thousands of years)." They have gigs this week: Thursday, Feb 7 at The TeaZone and Camellia Lounge and Friday, Feb 8 at Albina Green.
Bass player/writer and all around smart guy (and my competition at the O) Don Campbell is finally back on the job after a hip replacement. He reports, "The hip is doing great. Been walking 3 - 4 miles a night."
Re: Margaret Slovak …after I had filed this blog for last week. She has a solo tune on the new Thara Memory album Chronicles. Originally she recorded a bunch of solo tunes that he wanted to use as bridges between songs on the album. Years went by. Not long before it came out, he called to get the "mechanicals" (information for copywriting music) on a tune she had never written. He had edited together some of her playing and called it "Margaret's Tune." She thought it was funny that she went to the CD release gig never having heard the tune she wrote. She's happy with it. Laughs about it. That Thara!
It won't be out till spring, but on Rachel Taylor-Brown's new CD Half Hours with the Lower Creatures, she has put it all together…her classical training and performing experience (Cappella Romana), her poetic talents and commercial possibilities. She writes, sings, plays piano and eleven other instruments. It was co-produced and recorded by Jeff Stuart Saltzman (Stephen Malkmus, Sleater-Kinney, Menomena). Remember you heard it here first. At last, she may be the next big thing to come out of Portland. Couldn't happen to a nicer girl, too.
Portland Jazz Festival cancellation: Pianist Fred Hersch has "health-related issues" and won't be performing on February 22 with Nancy King. "Health-related," like "flu-like," is an unfortunate early 21st Century phrase for, "he's ill."
Grammy-nominated singer Kurt Elling and Nancy's longtime collaborator Steve Christofferson will fill in, having just come from performing at Lincoln Center in NYC.
I went with guitarist Terry Robb to the first night of Slim Gaillard's Civilization at the NW Film Center's Reel Film Festival. The festival is over now, but it was awesome. We sat there with our mouths open as two of the four hours of that very strange BBC series on his life proved to me why NWFC's Bill Foster said it was his favorite thing in the festival. Very oddly paced. Included long stretches that didn't seem to have much to do with Slim, but really did. One of those pieces you just have to accept on its own terms.
Anyway, Terry told me he's going to be recording a new Linda Hornbuckle/Janice Scroggins album for his new label PsycheDelta. Now that's exciting.
Re: Portland Music Awards. I am happy to report that I was personally excluded from the media guest list by Craig Marquardo, himself. Now that's a guy I like being on the wrong side of.
There's a big tango festival next Wednesday thru Monday, Feb 13 - 18, called ValenTango XI. They had over 600 people attend last year and invite you to, "Spend an intense/passionate/romantic four days together in 'tango friendly' Portland with friends and your favorite instructors, DJ's, musicians and tango partners learning, dancing, schmoozing, eating, and hanging out at the unique Portland ballrooms, coffee shops, cafes, and restaurants."
For the event, Portland's tango titan Alex Krebs is putting together "Orquesta Tipica" made up of musicians from all over the world.
Saxophonist Reggie Houston and his pal Jim Adair are putting together a production company. Stay tuned for more info.
Tap dancer/saxophonist Shoehorn is debuting his new band "Shoehorn's Hatband," with Skip Elliott Bowman on bass, Dan Gaynor on piano and Ward Griffiths on drums. They will perform material from their upcoming CD, including Shoehorn’s originals plus "overlooked gems from the American and International songbooks." Now that is one solid band. See them on Friday, Feb 8 at LaurelThirst Public House.
And with that, I'm putting on some beads and heading over to Acadia to eat and make silly for Mawdi Graw.
also seen at livpdx.com
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